As we approach the holiday season, the loss of my mother weighs heavy on my heart. They say that grief will get easier as the years pass. But now, moving into the second year without my mother, I would like to call bullsh*t. If anything I might argue that this year will be MORE difficult than the last.
Thanksgiving is less than 5 days away. Everyone is absorbed in holiday planning and baking. Soon we will begin to prep for Christmas. For the most part the chaos keeps our minds busy, distracting us from that fact that we are about to face another holiday season without our mother. But as soon as we start to slow down, to lower our guard, the grief makes its way in. There is no way of knowing what will elicit the pain until it happens. Maybe it’s a song on the radio, a recipe you can’t remember, or a Christmas decoration. One thing is for certain, it will happen eventually, and it will catch you off guard.
A Year of Great Achievements
2016 was a good year. My siblings and I have continued to march forward in our lives, despite the daily trails we face without having our Mom to fall back on.
This past year I was given the opportunity to leave a job I was unhappy in, to gain a position at an organization that I am passionate about. I am slowly moving towards the life of a young professional as I finish up my last year of college. I have also met the man of my dreams, who I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
My brother continues to make amazing progress in his animation career. He has found a woman who completes him. A woman who understands him and pushes him to be a better version of himself. This year he even found a new home, a home where he and Sara are building a life together.
My sister persists to amaze and inspire me every day. She takes life in strides, never loosing grace or poise. In addition to being an amazing big sister, mother, and wife she has continued to climb the ladder in her career.
Overall the three of us have had a successful year. In no way do I mean complain about that. However, in some way our successes almost makes enduring the holiday season without Mom by our side MORE difficult. It is hard to enjoy your success when your main cheerleader is no longer on the sidelines. It’s hard to face new changes in the wake of the holiday season, when your rock is gone.
This year I will face my first Thanksgiving away from my own family, to join Ethan at his aunts home. While I am both honored and excited to spend my first holiday with the George family, naturally, my excitement is also accompanied by feelings of sadness and anxiousness. Moments such as these are the moments when I wish Mom was around to talk to. I wish she was here to say just the right thing, to reassure me that everything will go fine.
This Christmas my older brother plans to bring Sara home to meet the family. We are all ecstatic to share our family traditions with her. Yet there is also a sadness that comes from knowing Sara will never know what a Christmas morning was like with our Mom. She will never know what it is to be woke up from mom’s rendition of Early Bird , originally sang by Shirley Temple.
Staying Strong Together
Today my sister sent a text to my brother and me expressing how much she has been missing Mom this past week. Not an hour before I received my sisters’ text I found myself sitting in my car with tear filled eyes, holding back sobs. I am still not sure what prompted that moment of grief, and sometimes you never know. However, I find comfort and reassurance knowing that I am not the only one who has been having a hard time these last few days.
I am so thankful to know I have been blessed with two amazing siblings who know exactly what I am going through. They may be hundreds and thousands of miles away but in moments of grief it is nice to know that we are all in the same place. We all must face another holiday season with out our mother, and we will do so with cheer and poise, just as she would have wanted. We will make it through, together, as a team, united in the fight against loss.